Its that person I see in the mirror when I wakeup in the morning or before I go to bed at night. When did it happen that I became an old fart?
I look in the mirror and see all the lines and wrinkles of the struggles of my life, and wonder, why do I have to wear them so well?
I look at my skin when I am using lotion and wonder when did my skin age? AND why do I have to have fat ankles? How come I gotta have old people's ankles, I am NOT old ...
I look at my reflection in a window and wonder, when did my back bend with age?
I look at the image in my minds eye and find the girl of my youth, young, pretty, full life and hopes for the future, hoping one day to find true love, a soul mate, a kindred spirit. I look at the young beauty and think, when did it all change, when did life take the course it did and gave me the lot in life I have had.
I've experienced a lot, and yet am nieve about a lot. I sometimes wish I was that young sprite girl again, but know what she would have to endure, I think, na better to be the old fart I have become, its all behind me now.
Maybe I should stop looking in the mirror, well I kinda have because I don't like to be reminded of how old I look. Wrinkles on a man are distinquishing, wrinkles on a woman are not, funny how its a plus for one and a negative for another.
I dislike that image in the mirrow, so I take off my glasses and then I can't see the wrinkles of time, the struggles of my life thus far. The passing of time has not been kind to me, and it shows.
When did I become so vain?
It is strange that you wrote this. I have been thinking the same thoughts lately. Where did that little girl go? She had so many dreams & aspirations. Where did she lose sight of them? I had the opportunity to go back to my old high school for a conference the other day and the minute I walked through the door the memories flooded back. Good memories. It took my breath away. Then I realized that girl was still in my heart. She still lives! I had a very difficult life. I always looked for love in the wrong places and always found it. 2 very bad marriages, 3 children...moving to avoid problems..working 2 jobs for 20 years...but...through it all, she was still there. Life had made me bury her, but she was always there. When I hear a Stevie Wonder song, she appears to dance & sing (not so well). When I see a picture of an old friend, she is there with the memories of times past. Those good & bad times made me who I am today. They shaped & molded me into a grown-up who learned it isn't all about me...I was put here to bless others. And those wrinkles? Used to bother me, but then I realized that I have laugh lines because I had something to laugh about. I have those smile lines around my mouth...but I have them because I smiled. Gravity has set in all parts...but it is ok. I have lived long enough to discover gravity...We have a beauty within that just doesn't die..I hope that is what I passed on to my children & grandchildren. That is where that little girl lives...dancing & skipping away with rainbows and sunshine..ribbons in her blonde hair...
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